I’m not sorry. All my life I’ve been treated differently because to some I might have seemed weird. In primary and secondary school I was sometimes called weird. At the time of being a child, the word weird to me was and sounded offensive. I’m not sorry for anything that I may have done or said to create those views of others. As a child being called weird by other children can be damaging towards a persons confidence and it was, at least just for those few shitty seconds.
In primary school I was quite social, even though I had no idea what it was at the time. I do remember having friends, running around the playground, being invited to sleep overs, swimming and the cinema and like any other normal child… I turned the invites all down (lol), because although I liked being social in school I didn’t want to take it home with me. Because even at 4 years old I knew I loved my me time and still do.
I was and still am (a little bit) of a home body. Once I started secondary school not much changed there! and I was still not sorry. If anything I became even more selective at the circle of friends I kept. Mostly between year 7 and 9 I was still being labelled as weird. I didn’t know why, nor did I really give a shit! I guess it was because I didn’t fall in with the it crowd or because I behaved differently from the others…
My work life continues the very same trend and I never really knew why. Only in the last 5 years have I really studied my colleagues attitudes towards me. I’ve done many different roles and each time, there has been one or two people that just acted different around me. I could tell they were different towards me because their behaviour showed a reflection of jealousy. Again I did not know this at the time.
I was very confused by these peoples behaviour towards me, as I only showed kindness. They were trying to be normal with me but I could see right through them like glass. I’m good at reading peoples true intentions. I could see they were being fake but to them, they thought I was none the wiser. I finally realised the types of people, that would treat me differently. I don’t mean this to sound bad but it was and still is, the people that are a complete opposite to me.
And that’s alright because they just don’t and still won’t get it. At work the other day I was called posh, this is because I have very good manners (I was brought up that way, also that says a lot about that person). Right down to how I conduct myself. I speak and finish my words properly ( I can’t stand water being said as “watah” that is a real bug bare of mine) and to be honest most social media words or terminology get on my nerves. My interest and mannerisms are completely different from theirs and because of this, some colleagues choose to treat me differently.
The title “weird” given to me from the tender age of 4 was because I conducted myself differently from the rest. “SORRY BUT I’M NOT SORRY” for being the way I am, which is a decent, open minded, fair, caring, friendly, approachable, dry sense of humour human being. I am a human, being herself! I refuse to change myself for any Tom, Dick or Harry.
- I’M NOT SORRY, you can’t handle a decent human being.
- I’M NOT SORRY, we don’t share the same interest in things.
- I’M NOT SORRY, I’m ambitious.
- I’M NOT SORRY, I don’t want to fit in.
- And I’M NOT SORRY, for being well mannered!
Over the years of dealing with these types of negative people and their mild mental bullying. I have learnt to grow a thick skin. Any shit thrown towards me is like a water of a ducks back. The awkwardness towards me at work caused by these people, is purely a refection of their poor behaviour. My advice is to be the best person you can be. Don’t be fake because in the end people always find out. Trying to be someone your not to fit in at school, work or social circles will only leave you feeling awkward, exhausted and emotionally sad.
How do you deal with awkward people? let me know in the comments below.
Thank you for reading.
Natoya
x
